Ok so I want to touch on this topic. You might be wondering what I mean about “Happiness = Success“ so I will explain with a short story…
I have a very good friend and for the purpose of this blog post, I will be calling her Sara. Sara, for the last year, has lived with my family and I. Over the last year, I have watched her closely. Frankly…Sara was miserable. Over the last year, I watched as she would meet a guy, who would then dote on her often, only for that relationship to end up falling apart. She didn’t work, she lived with us rent free really and in exchange she would help me with my kids, but the agreement was that she would get a job. I would listen as she would have an excuse, despite how legit that excuse was, it was an excuse. She eventually found a job, but she continued getting into relationships and as always they would end up falling apart.
If something happened in her relationships, whether with the guys she was seeing or things went bad with her family or disagreements happened here at home or things went was going wrong with work, she would immediately get emotional and frankly over react. I watched as many times she read into situations wrong, or as she got overly emotional about something that may not have been a big deal. She would blame herself, call herself names, say how she was a burden on others.
This went on for a year. When she lost her job, because of a situation out of her control, she continued to look for work, but had no luck. Then her mom passed away unexpectedly, a mom she had no contact with (I knew her mom and the no contact was understandable to a point). At this point she was engaged to a guy she had only known for a few weeks and shortly after the death of her mom, that relationship fell apart.
It was about that time I watched as Sara made a downward spiral. She stopped trying to look for work, she became agitated and wanted to go places, wanted out, she would make commitments, only to make plans over those commitments. Now don’t get me wrong, Sara is a wonderful person, but you have to know her first. Some of those failed relationships were because the guys were jerks, so not all were because of her. But the fact remains…she wasn’t happy.
I watched as she took off and met up with an old friend we both know from high school, who was also a long time crush of hers. They got together and within a week were engaged. Sadly I knew it wouldn’t last.
Now here’s the thing, I just found out that she is upset, she feels she has been wronged by this person and that she must be stupid. She is no longer living here, after everything that went down over the last month, I had to kick her out. She moved in with her “crush”, who really isn’t a bad guy really, but honestly he is not able to support her the way she needs right now.
The problem in all of this? She isn’t happy. She hasn’t been happy. So what does this have to do with happiness = success? Simple…if you are not happy with yourself, you will not be happy in other things in your life. I told Sara that she needs to focus on herself, getting herself stable and working on herself emotionally and mentally. This is true for anyone. I also told her that she can’t expect a guy to make her happy, unless she is happy herself. How can a guy meet her needs and wants, when she can’t even do that for herself?
This is all very important…part of why my friend is unhappy is because she has not taken the steps to make herself happy. That doesn’t mean go find a guy. That means…working on yourself. Improving your outlook on life, being the one who meets your needs first and foremost, finding balance emotionally and mentally. To many times we look to jobs or other people to give us what we need and we are never happy. We are never satisfied. The reason is because we aren’t meeting our needs first. You can’t get anything out of a job or personal relationships unless you, yourself are able to meet your needs first.
Someone once told me it’s like the safety talk you get on airplane, the part where they talk about the oxygen masks. Do you know what they say?
“You (the passenger) should always fit your own mask before helping children, the disabled, or persons requiring assistance.”
Do you know WHY they say that? Because you can NOT help others unless you are able to help yourself first. You can not take care of others if you can not help yourself first. You can not expect others to give you what you need, unless you can give you what you need first.
Its not rocket science here, happiness = success when we tend to our needs first and foremost. If we are not happy, we will not be happy in our jobs, we will not be happy in our relationships. Our jobs will fail and our relationships will fail. If you want to be successful in anything in life, you HAVE to be happy first. So if that means that you put off dating, till you can get a job and support yourself…then so be it. If it means that before you have a relationship you work on yourself emotionally and mentally…then so be it. You have to make sure that you get yourself into a place where you can enjoy what you do, to make decisions that are right for you, to have successful relationships (romantic, family or friendship) and that means being truly happy. You can’t expect others to meet your needs if you can not meet those same needs yourself. Don’t look for love from a guy, if you can’t love yourself. Don’t look for approval from your family, if you can’t approve of yourself. Don’t expect to be happy at your job, if you aren’t happy without it.
Happiness isn’t about how much money you have, or the kind of things you own, it’s about what you feel inside. It’s about being self confident, being able to validate yourself and not have others do it for you. It’s about being positive, valuing yourself, being inspiring, loving yourself and overall caring for yourself FIRST!
Now I want to point out one very important detail here…when I say take care of yourself, that doesn’t mean you say, “Well I need time for myself, I need to do something for myself.” then go run off and meet a guy. That’s not taking care of yourself!!
If you want success, you need to be happy. If you want to be happy, then you need to cut out the things that don’t make you happy. It might be the job, it might not be. It could be the people you choose to hang around, it could even be your own family, or at the very least putting boundaries up. It may mean that you stop listening or reading about things that get you worked up and angry (politics, news, religion, etc). But it WILL mean changing your thought process, it WILL mean changing your outlook, accepting and loving yourself and knowing that you don’t need something or someone to validate you as a person!!
Once you are truly, and I do mean truly, happy, you will find that the job will get better, your relationships will get better, what you want in life will start to come easier. That doesn’t mean everything will be all roses, you will have your adventures* , but getting through them will be a lot easier then before. You will also have to work at it…and I do mean WORK at it. We only attract what we want in life and when we allow ourselves to continue on a path that is making us unhappy, we will continue to attract those things that will continue to make us unhappy. If you want happiness…you have to attract it, you have to want it and you have to make the changes in your life FIRST to get it. Don’t look to others or other things to give that to you, give it to yourself.
It may mean making a decision to do something, because you know it will change your life, even if you “think” you can’t do it right now. My hubby and I made the choice to get into the company we did, because we KNEW it would be one of many things to help us change our lives. Were we able to afford it at the time? Nope, but we did it anyways and now…well now my life is changing and for the better!! I’m thankful every day that God brought this into our lives, because of the change we have been getting. Of course, I’m having to work at it every day and work at myself, but the choice was made to change my life, my families life and to do that it meant we had to do this, because it was the best thing for us. It was a “step” in our journey to improving our lives on a mental and emotional level, not just on a financial level.
You want change in your life, then do it. You want to be happy, then make it happen. If you can look back over the last year, up to now and realize that you aren’t happy with your life, then its time for a change. Don’t let things get in your way, don’t make excuses, just DO IT!! Because if you don’t…you will never be happy and you will never be successful. You only have one life to live in this world, you only get one chance at life, don’t waste it by putting it off, because you don’t have the money or the time or the confidence. Instead, do it BECAUSE of those reasons.
Ladies and Gentlemen, you are worth it, you deserve it, because if you don’t do it now, you may not get that chance tomorrow!
*read my previous post titled “Struggles to Adventures” to understand this reference