So I was talking to a good friend today and it occurred to me that people tend to either be:
Comfortable in their pain, or want change.
They are either destructive or constructive.
What I mean by that is simply: I’ve noticed people complain about their lives…
“I don’t have enough money.”
“I don’t have enough time to spend with my family.”
“I need a new place to live.”
“Some person is always trying to control my life!”
“I’m not happy, my life seems hopeless.”
“Nothing ever seems to go right.”
These are just a few of the many things that I hear or see pop up throughout the day. Do any of these sound familiar to you? I’m sure they do, maybe you hear these kind of things said all the time or maybe you say them.
When you hear or see these kinds of things, you get the sense that people want things in their lives to change. But the question is: do they really? Are they comfortable in their misery? Or do they really want change? Are they stuck on being destructive in their own lives? Or do they really crave construction?
I bring this up, because as I was talking to my friend, it seems like the story is the same.
“I need a new job.”
“I don’t have enough money coming in.”
“I need a new place for me and the kids.”
“My ex is ruining my life.”
“He is always trying to control me.”
I hear this on a daily bases it seems, but yet the minute I ask about it, she has the same excuses…
“I don’t have enough money.”
“I don’t have enough money. I can’t find another source.”
“I can’t find a place, I don’t have enough money.”
“I’m trying to be nice, but he doesn’t listen.”
“He owes me money, but won’t pay.”
So I encouraged her tonight. I encouraged her to look at the things she can control and at the things she can’t. I encouraged her to write down all the things she wants for herself and her kids. Then I encouraged her to focus on those things that she can control.
I told her she can control the job thing, the money thing, the home thing. She just has to find the right sources and utilize them and not pass up opportunity.
Then I told her she can’t control her ex, or how he treats her or whether or not he pays her back. But that she can control how it affects her, how it makes her feel. She can decide not to give in to his ridiculous demands, not to let his words hurt her, but instead to hold her head high and focus on what is more important in life.
I told her to make two lists, on one side she as to list all that she can control and on the other all that she can’t control. Then she needed to review what it was she wanted and figure out what it’s going to take to get there. After this, I told her to call me the next day with what she decided.
Now…what if all of us did that with our lives? How many of us really want change? How many of us really want out of the unhappiness that we spend so much energy complaining about?
Do we really want change? Or are we comfortable in the pain and unhappiness? Because those who really want change, won’t just complain about their problems, they will do something about them.
Are we so stuck in this cycle that being miserable is “ok”, “acceptable”, or even “socially acceptable?” Or can we see that there is more to life than unhappiness?
Finding a new way in life can be uncomfortable, but I think it’s more uncomfortable to stay stuck in the same place of unhappiness. We can spend so much time complaining about our problems, that we neglect looking for a way out.
We make excuses, as to why we can’t get a better job, take on an opportunity for more income, finding a new place, getting away from that toxic person. But really as much as they are excuses, they are also obstacles.
Obstacles aren’t meant to stop us from getting what we want or what we deserve, they are there to help us grow and to let us see how badly we want them. But so many times we allow those obstacles to become excuses and we give up before we even begin.
I would encourage you all to sit down and write out what it is you want for your life. Then make two lists, one is of all the things you can control, the other is of all the things you can’t control.
Life is a game, we were brought into it to play an important part, not sit on the sidelines to watch, be “comfortable” and “miserable.” As children we watched and dreamed of playing. Those dreams were stolen from us as we became adults, by those who tell us that “playing the game is lazy or an unrealistic dream.” When in truth it’s not. The coach is calling us in to play, but we refuse to do so and instead complain how everyone else has what we want. We see what they do as fun and even sometimes as easy, but what we don’t see is the hard work it takes for them to play that game and to keep going.
So I ask you…
Are you Destructive or Constructive?
Are you Comfortable or do you want Change?
Are you going to sit on the sidelines for the rest of your life or will you get in the game?
Because anyone can play in the game, young or old, boy or girl. And whereas it can be hard work, it can be fun. So I ask you…are you ready to join the fun? Are you ready to get into the game? Are you ready to stop being so comfortable in your pain and are you ready for real change?